I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
