I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
