The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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