Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
