i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
