she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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