He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
