i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i believe in u and ur pee
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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