Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
