We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
