Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
