Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
