We're facebook friends in real life
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
