You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
