woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
