mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
