I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
