Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
