My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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