were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
