i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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