I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
