Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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