I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize