I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
