Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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