Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
