She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
