I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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