Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize