he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
