kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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