honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
