Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
