the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
