I think scott just propositioned me for sex
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
