dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
