i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just high enough for therapy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
