I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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