Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
