I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
