She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
