i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
