we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
