When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
