A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
the liver wants what the liver wants
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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