How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
