I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
