Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize