no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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