So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize