Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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