Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
