Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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