omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
