I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
