arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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