Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
