I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
