I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
