Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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