I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
