you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
