Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
