My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
