White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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