i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize