I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
