Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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