I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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