You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
