I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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