If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize