My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
